Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Exhausted Doesn't Begin to Describe It

I've had so many people tell me that I'm handling all of this so much better than they would.  Its because I have no other choice.  You'd be surprised at how much stress you can deal with if you have to.

On the outside, well more like, in public and when the kids are around, I am a pro at holding it all together.  When I'm buy myself I feel like I'm falling apart.  I have so many things swarming around inside my head, so many things I know need to be done and no clue how to get them done.

I can't remember the last time I had a decent night sleep.  Sleeping pills are out of the question because if the call comes in the middle of the night, I need to be able to function.

Between the weird dreams caused by one of my meds (evil meds, but helps with my energy) and not being able to turn my brain off most nights, I don't get much sleep.

One of the things that has me so stressed out is not knowing when this is going to happen.  I know I've complained about this before, but seriously its driving me insane.  I've always had everything planned out down to the minute.

Between doctors appointments, school, kids activities, and anything and everything else, being organized has made life much simpler.

I have my lists of things that need to be done when we get the call, but I know when that time comes all I'm going to be worried about is getting the kids ready to go and getting to the hospital.

Now on top of all that we have the stress about whether or not we're going to lose our insurance.  We definitely have it until June, but after that is still up in the air.

I'm so exhausted all the time and would love nothing more than to just sleep for a week or 2.

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