Friday, June 8, 2012

Knowing What Happened

ON Wednesday I went back up to Stanford,g this time to sit down with the surgeon and heart transplant nurse practitioner to go over the results of the autopsy. This was the 2nd hardest thing I've ever had to do.  I'm so thankful to finally have some answers as to what happened, but also because I know that Tin Man's death taught them a few things that will help others in the future.  I still wish I could have him here with me, but knowing that they learned something from his death gives me some peace.  I now feel that Tin Man's death wasn't for nothing.  That something good, did come out of it. 

One thing I realized that day is just how much of an impact Tin Man had on these 2 people, who are part of heart transplants all the time.  The surgeon had to take a couple of moments to get himself under control and not cry.  The NP was crying.  I've loved these 2 people from the start, as I do everyone that had been involved with Tin Man from the first appointment at Stanford.  They became like part of our family, but I never realized just how much we became part of their family until Tin Man died.  8 weeks later these 2 people are still having a hard time with it and were so worried about how the kids and I were holding up.  I am and always will be so thankful for all the amazing people that were part of Tin Man's care, and I do and hope to keep in touch with some of them in the future.

They also offered to sit down with the kids whenever I need, and also because Warrior wants to become a surgeon, they told me they would do whatever they can to help him continue on that path, and would let me know about any camps and things coming up for it. 

Sitting down to find out what exactly caused my husband's death was the 2nd hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I'm thankful that I had the option and I know what happened and that it will help others in the future. If I can save someone from having to go through what I went through, then signing to give them permission for the autopsy was all worth it.

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