Its been 9 months and we are still trying to learn to cope with this huge loss. This huge hole that was left behind. Once we learned what really happened, it was like we almost had to start the grieving process all over. Not having answers as to why, or what went wrong was much easier to deal with than knowing.
It has brought us closer together, strengthened us, and shown us what is truly important.
This year we work on rebuilding. Nothing will ever be the same, and that hole will always be there, but we need to learn to build our lives around it.
We've set several individual goals and goals as a family. We've come up with ways to help each other, people we want to help, and things that hit close to home that we want to bring further into our lives.
My goals for this year....
- Get healthy. My focus will be on eating healthy, getting up and moving. I'm focusing more on this and less on what the scale says. The scale stresses me out if it doesn't move, or doesn't move fast enough for my liking. So instead, I'm focusing on what I put in my body, and how much time I allow myself to sit and do nothing. If me shrinking is a by product of that, even greater.
- Save more money. Between Tin Man being in the hospital for a little over a month, and funeral expenses, there isn't much left in savings. This year, with the help of Mint.com, I've come up with a budget to help me save money and build up my savings again. Not having the savings there to fall back on is stressing me out.
- Help others. I was amazed at how many people came out of the woodwork to help us out when Tin Man was in the hospital, and even more so after he died. The smallest jesters meant the world to us. I want to help others the same way.
- Donate Life. I've been working with Donate Life for a few years now. I took a break after Tin Man died, because I wasn't ready to answer questions. Telling his story didn't bother me, and in a way helped me, but it was the thought of answering questions people would have that terrified me. I'm finally ready to get back out there and answer those questions.
- Plan more family time. This last year has brought us closer and strenghtened the already strong bond I had with my kids. Even so, with a high schooler and a 5th grader, we don't spend as much time together as I would like. Between friends, lacrosse, Girl Scouts, and all the in between activities, some days I live in my car. I want 2 nights a week where everything is shut off and its just the 3 of us. Dinner and a movie or a game. Something to get us talking to each other. Just each other and not the texting friends in between sentences.
- Get rid of a lot of stuff. I have no problem getting rid of things I no longer use or want, but when it comes to the kids things, I hold on to things way to long. This year I need to go through kids clothes, old toys, and get rid of things. A lot of things.
- Organize. In some things, like the important papers, my calendar, and my craft stuff, I'm a freak about organizing. I need to get the same with the rest of my house, and life.
- Use my camera more. I used to have my camera attached to my hip. No matter where I went, my camera was with me, just in case. That changed last year, and I want it back.
- Read more variety. I love reading, but lately I find myself reading more and more books about vampires and other paranormal things. My goal is to read at least 5 books on healthy living. 5 books to better myself. and 5 biographies.
- Grow things. We don't have much of a yard (the bad side to living in a corner lot). So I've been looking for ways to use some of the empty space in my dining room to grow things. I
The kids' goals are...
- more geocaching
- run 5 miles a day
- strengthen leg muscles
- at least 10 Donate Life high school presentations
- summer classes
- paint his room.
I made him come up with an extra one because I'm not to sure I'm going to allow the summer classes. We will see. I think its great that he's so focused on achieving his goal of becoming a cardiothoracic/transplant surgeon, but I also want him to be a kid and enjoy high school.
- guitar lessons
- sell 500 boxes of Girl Scout cookies
- read all of the Harry Potter books
- volunteer at Donate Life walk in September
- go to a Taylor Swift concert
We each have about 20 more goals on each list, but we narrowed it down to the top 5 that we want to accomplish this year. The rest are just bonuses.