With all the "I'm Thankful For ..." posts starting on Facebook, I look back at the last year.
A year ago I never imagined myself in this position. Never imagined myself alone.
Where did I see myself. Still waiting.
When Tin Man was listed for his transplant, we were told that because of his size and his blood type that they figured a 2 to 3 year wait for a new heart, but were leaning towards 3 years. Not 15 months.
Even so, I never imagined myself as a widow. Yes we knew the risks, but we chose to look at the positive side of transplant.
We chose to believe that transplant would give us a new beginning.
We never imagined it would be the start of a nightmare.
So its hard for me to come up with things I'm thankful for. Things that people would want to hear.
I'm thankful I didn't have a meltdown at the grocery store today, or I'm thankful I didn't have to explain where Tin Man is today aren't things people are thinking of when they think of the thankful FB posts.
Unfortunately this is my life. No matter how hard I try to see the positive sides, they all lead back to Tin Man not being here.
Next year it will be easier for me to come up with more people friendly things. Until then I'll just be thankful in silence.