Monday, March 18, 2013

Kids Can Grieve, But I Can't?

I have this acquaintance that is taking psychology classes in school, plus she's read a book on grief so she has deemed herself an expert on it.

She is constantly calling me or emailing me to rant and lecture me about being depressed and not moving on already.  You know, because the grief book gave a timeline of grief, so I should be happy and perky all the time now.

She seriously believes this.

However she tells me that the kids will be sad and miss their dad the rest of their lives, and that's normal and I should help them any way I can.  Because you know, I haven't been doing that for the last year.

So my question for her is, why is it ok for them to grieve, for the rest of their lives, but I have to move on?

Her answer, "well its no difference than a divorce.  You don't see me depressed and lonely and wanting everyone to give me sympathy all the time."

I could have slapped her.  First off, she's not even going through a divorce.  She still lives with her husband, while she has a long distance relationship (with one of Tin Man's best friends).  She has been saying this divorce is going to be final on this day, but then moved to this day.  She's also given about 20 different dates that she plans on moving here and always has an excuse why she can't.

But she knows all when it comes to grieving because she's going through the same thing.

I know people that haven't been through it don't get it.  I'm happy for them.  I just wish those that don't get it would stop acting like they do.

My husband is gone, but I didn't stop loving him the minute he died.  I will never stop loving him.  We had hopes and dreams that died along with him.  I can't call him on the phone, even to argue with him.  I can't touch him.  I can't decide this isn't want I want and make everything normal again.

This is NOTHING like a divorce.  I wish people would understand that or feel free to stop talking to me.

I wish someone would explain to me why its ok for the kids to grieve the loss of their father, but I am supposed to be over the loss of my husband and ready to move on to finding the next one.

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