Friday, August 30, 2013

One Day I Will Be Great

A year ago I never thought I would ever be able to say I'm good again.

When asked it was an automatic response to tell people I was OK.  Telling people OK meant I didn't have to see that pity look.  I didn't have to explain why I was ok.  Plus saying I was OK was a way to be sure the tears wouldn't start again.

I wasn't and didn't think I would ever be ok again.

Then one morning I realized that I really was ok.  I was able to smile and laugh without feeling guilty.  I was able to enjoy my day and not feel like everything was crashing around me.  And I wasn't angry that everyone was carrying on with their lives like everything was ok.

Here I am almost 17 months later and I can now say that I am doing good.

We've found our new routine.  We've found our new plans.  We've found new friends.  Friends that are walking the same path we are.  Friends that really do understand.

We still have good days and bad, but definitely more good days now.

We have learned that being good, and being happy is ok.  It doesn't mean we don't miss Tin Man any less, it just means that we are learning how to cope with him being gone.  We have found ways to celebrate his life.  Ways to keep his story alive.  Ways to bring awareness to what he was about.

One day we will be able to honestly say we are doing great.

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