Friday, July 3, 2015

Normal Kids

We went to the lake with some friends on Wednesday.

The kids had a blast playing in the water, fishing, and kayaking.

They were normal kids having fun on a normal summer day.

Until someone decided to make a comment.

I have learned how to handle the comments and the weird questions.

My kids not so much.  So while my friend commented on how normal my kids were and that its great that they can still be 16 and 12 and not seem to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, this brought up a few questions by some women in our area.

We had been talking for awhile.  One woman was on vacation from Delaware.  The others were local.  I don't usually start with Hi.  I'm a widow.  So when people do find out, some are a little surprised. I get the "you're to young" or my favorite "do you know what a widow is?"

Yes.  A widow is someone who's spouse died.  Widows come in all ages, and yes I know I was young.  I was 32 when my husband died.  It still doesn't change it.

My kids are the same way, they don't lead off conversations with their dad died.  So when they came back up to get something to drink, the Delaware woman told them they were so well adjusted and seemed like normal kids.

Both kids just stared at her.  Neither one knew what to say, or really understood why a stranger would say something.  They got their drinks and asked if they could go back to the water.

Then Delaware looks at me and asks, "did I say something wrong?"

Let me see, where do I start?

Yes my kids are normal.  That was my first priority after my husband died.  I wanted my kids to be kids.  They were 13 and 9.  They were still children and they needed to stay children as long as possible.

My kids are well adjusted because I had an amazing person to raise them with, a person that had the same ideas I did when it came to raising children, manners, and discipline.  Them being well adjusted doesn't have anything to do with anything other than that.

Are you wondering how my kids aren't little sociopaths because their dad died?  That's because I helped them to understand their grief.  I helped them to work their way through their emotions, and I made sure they never felt they should be guilty for the emotions they had.  (anger is one that can bring a lot of guilt with ti). I also made sure they knew that I was going through the same thing.

My kids were in therapy.  Just so they had someone to talk to.  They knew they could always come to me no matter what, but I thought they also needed someone to talk to that didn't break down in tears all the time.

So yes, Ms Delaware, my kids have been through hell and back, but even so they are still just normal kids.

1 comment:

  1. That is very strange that she said something to your kids. I'm sorry. At least it was kind of a compliment to you about how well you've helped them adjust.


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