Starting Over

Ah I am back.  I had moved to Wordpress and was living life.  Then a "friend" offered to help me with my block and business and I ended up losing everything.  My website and all my blog posts.

I took a much needed break, but now I am back.  

Now I am focused on my weight loss and fitness journey along.

Join me on my journey and leave any and all advice on what has or hasn't worked for you.

I'm Not A Perfect Mom

When I lived in California I had some so called friends, The Perfects, that thought they were better than everyone.

You know the kind, the ones with the perfect children, no matter what they did wrong.  The ones who think their parenting style is the correct one, and everyone else isn't doing it correctly.  The ones that have no problem telling you that you're doing it wrong.

Yeah I had those friends.  They criticized everything.  Not just parenting styles, but what kind of wife I was.  Looking back now, I honestly don't know why I kept them in my life as long as I did.  I've been free of them for over a year, and I can say I haven't missed them at all.

Taking with a friend I grew up with, I have come to the conclusion that we all have one of those parents in our lives.  Sometimes they are closer than others.

College Lacrosse Scrimmages

This weekend my son's high school hosted a 3 team college lacrosse scrimmage.

Warrior has been looking forward to this for weeks.  Not just the chance to watch 3 college teams play lacrosse, FOR FREE.  But during the 2nd game, the team not playing held a clinic for the Varsity and JV teams.

Warrior got to work with 7 goalies and the goalie coach.  He got to ask questions, have them critique his performance, and ask their tips to better certain things.

Glass Beads + Nail Polish

I love crafts.

So of course I volunteered to come up with some craft ideas for a craft bazaar at church.

I needed to come up with something that would be easy for the kids to do.

After scouring Pinterest for ideas.  I found the well known glass bead magnets.

I decided to change it up a little and use some old nail polish I found in a box.

Then I decided to try adding some glitter ones to the mix

Then the kids decided they wanted to make some Donate Life to send to some fellow Donate Life volunteers.  These we plan on making into magnets, push pins, and paperclips.  

What is your favorite Pinterest find craft?

Danny Gokey Speaks To Me

I saw Danny Gokey perform Tell Your Heart to Beat Again one day. about a year after Tin Man died.  I felt like he was reading my mind.  Then I remembered, he was.

On July 9, 2008, four weeks before he auditioned for American Idol, Gokey's wife died from complications during her third surgery to treat her congenital heart disease. The couple had been together for 12 years, and Gokey credited her for his success. - Wikipedia

Tin Man was born with a congenital heart defect called Transposition of the Great Arteries (TGA).  In January 2012 we celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary.  Just 2 months before his transplant and 3 months before he passed away.

That song helped me in so many ways.  Some one finally put what I was feeling into words, but was also telling me that it was ok for me to live and to be happy.  The first part of the song speaks volumes about anyone who has lost a spouse.

You're shattered
Like you've never been before
The life you knew
In a thousand pieces on the floor
And words fall short in times like these
When this world drives you to your knees
You think you're never gonna get back
To the you that used to be

I am not who I used to be.  A huge part of me died when Tin Man did.  I had to search deep within me to put my heart back together and to begin to figure out who I was from that point on.  I still haven't completely figured it all out, but then again, who has?


Then last year I heard his song Hope in Front of Me.

I was in the process of getting ready to move and having to go through all of Tin Man's things and decide what we should get rid of and what to keep.  This ripped open a lot of wounds I thought were healed.

One day while taking the kids to school this song came on.  I had to pull over because I was crying so hard.  I'm pretty sure my kids thought I was having a nervous breakdown.

I went home to look up the song.  I listened to it over and over.  I thought I had made it out of the darkness, but having to get rid of Tin Man's things sucked me back in.  I was depressed and felt like I was falling farther back instead of making any progress forward.

I've been running through rain
That I thought would never end
Trying to make it on faith
In a struggle against the wind
I've seen the dark and the broken places
But I know in my soul
No matter how bad it gets
I'll be alright

This song reminded me that no matter what I was feeling at that point, things would get better.  I just needed to work my way through the darkness towards the light.

Now.  A year and a few months later, I am good.  I still have things to work on, and certain things still bring on the tears, but I have way more good days that I used to.

Both of these songs can have so many meanings, but knowing that his story behind the pain in both the songs is so similar to mine, it brought the songs so much more meaning to me.


These are still 2 of the most played songs in my playlists, but now I listen to them to remind myself of how far I have come and how strong I really am.