Sunset

The 4th was really hard for me.  Our 4th of July tradition was always a pancake breakfast bbq at Tin ''s uncles house, followed by a pool party at a friends house, and then caravan to watch the fireworks.  This is the first 4th that didn't include any of that.

The kids had their cousins and new friends in Oregon to keep them busy.  My sister and my mom tried to help me, but it just wasn't the same.  I felt lost. 

Finally I decided I needed to just walk.  I grabbed my camera and walked down to the cliffs overlooking the ocean.  The sunset was beautiful.  I rarely have my camera with me for a pink and purple sunset.  I know this was a sign from Tin Man.

I sat on the bench and cried.  I know people walking by thought I was nuts, but I just needed to cry.  I've cried so much in the last few days, but I needed it.  Being in Oregon, everything has gone back to not seeming real.  Like we're just on vacation and Tin Man is waiting for us at home.  I find myself wanting to text him so many times a day.  I want to call him before bed to tell him good night.  I just want him.

I miss Tin Man so much, and I'm so tired of people telling me I need to figure out what my new normal is going to be.  I don't want a new one.  I want my old one!  I want my husband and my kids want their dad.