Yesterday was the local memorial service for my husband. Now that the funeral and the memorial service are over, we not have to try to pick up the pieces and create a new normal.
New normal. I hate the sound of that. I don't want to create one. I want the old normal back. I want my husband back. I want my kids' father back. I want everything to go back to normal!
I've had many people make comments about Tin Man's old heart was good enough and why did we need to play around with it.
If Tin Man hadn't gotten his transplant, we still would have had the same outcome. I don't think he would have made it to Christmas. He was getting bad, and he was getting bad fast. Not only was his heart getting bad, but he also had kidney involvement. The heart transplant gave him a fighting chance. Unfortunately, it didn't turn out the way we wanted, but I would do it all again.
I've also had people ask if we were done with Donate Life. Um, no. We need a little break from it, but we aren't done. Tin Man got his transplant. His transplant gave him a fighting chance. Gave him the chance at a new life. Even though that wasn't possible for him, doesn't mean someone else will have the same outcome. I've met some great people who've received transplants, and without them, they never would have come into my life.
I plan on keeping Tin Man's story alive. The kids and I have come up with some ideas, and once we're ready, we'll set them in motion.
Our lives were turned upside down, and we have to give ourselves time to pick up the pieces, and then move forward and try to make something good come out of our loss.