Honoring Tin Man

Friday night we went to the Nationwide series race at the Charlotte Motor Speedway.

I am by no means a NASCAR fan, and find watching cars drive in circles for 200+ laps pretty boring.


Why did we go?

Because Tin Man's picture was on the Donate Life race car.  We wanted to see the picture up close and personal, and meet the driver in person. 

We met some other amazing people that are part of the transplant community.  We all shared some laughs and lots and lots of tears.

Memorial Basketball Game

Last Tuesday (Nov 26) was the first memorial basketball game in honor of Tin Man.

After he was listed for his transplant, he saw a video of his cardiologist playing basketball.  He called him up and challenged him to a basketball game.  1 year after he got his transplant.

The day we got the call they had a heart for him, they started making plans.  The 12 days that Tin Man was awake after transplant, they talked about it almost daily.  Where and when.  This was something both of them were looking forward to.

Since they weren't able to play their game, we thought a basketball game would be a great way to honor him and also bring community awareness to organ donation.

Unfortunately Tin Man's cardiologist wasn't able to be there, but our favorite nurse came in his place. 

Warrior being interviewed before the game by local news.

My kid may be amazing, but he's definitely weird.

Warrior and our favorite nurse.  She beat him by 1 point.

Being interviewed after the game by the other local news.

Definitely had to take some pictures of my kiddos on the TV

Sugar Pea passed out programs and save the date flyers for the 3rd annual blood drive. 

All the proceeds from the came went into helping start up the scholarship fund in memory of Tin Man.  The coach wants to make this a yearly thing, turning it into a memorial game and fundraiser to keep the scholarship going.

Wordless Wednesday - Friday Night at the Races

OK not so wordless.

I haven't been to the races in a long time.  Last time I went was in 2011 with the kids and Tin Man.  It was for a fundraising event where local PD came out to race each other.  It was a ton of fun, and knowing most of the cops in the area, it was fun watching them battle each other.

Friday morning I found out that they were having another local PD race to help raise money for a local teen who was waiting for a heart transplant.  Warrior and I decided to go.  Sugar Pea chose Girl Scouts instead.

It was a good night until just before the PD race started.  They announced that the kid got his heart transplant that day and had actually just got out of surgery.  This brought back so many memories and emotions.  I was an emotional wreck the rest of the night.  So happy for this family, but thinking about the donor family, and thinking about Tin Man and his donor family.

A good friend of mine's husband won the race, which helped cheer me up a little.

The start of the race.  Right after they got to their starting positions is when they announced the kid got his heart.

My phone sucks at motion pictures

Final turn

We left just after the cop race.  I had to go pick up Sugar Pea, and didn't want to fight the traffic getting out.  One the way out to the car Warrior decided he was going to fly.  2 hot chocolates and a pack of sour punches.  The thanks to a few friends, he had had way to much sugar. 

Wordless Wednesday - Donate Life Walk

This past Saturday was the Donate Life walk.  We walked in honor of Tin Man and his donor.

It was great seeing all our friends, and meeting new ones.  Tin Man was definitely missed.

It was amazing to see the people chase the kids down so they could meet them.  It definitely made me a proud mom!

With their poster.  We had so many people stop and comment about it.

 They wanted a picture with Snoopy holding the sign too.

 Then after the walk we got to spend the day at Great America.  Well supposed to.  2 hours in it started pouring and we were soaked, cold and miserable so we headed home to warm showers and dry clothes.

 Warrior is in the last car and Sugar Pea is in the 2nd to last with her uncle, Tin Man's brother.

1 Year Already

1 year ago I woke up annoyed because I had so much to do that week.  I had IEP meeting, Tin Man had an appointment at Stanford on that Tuesday for a kidney ultrasound and some more blood tests.  I also had a doctor appointment and CT scan that week.

The following week, on March 12, Tin Man was supposed to be admitted for a week to put him on a new medicine to see if it helped his kidney function at all.  He was supposed to have several other tests done that week to get ready to list him for a kidney transplant along with a heart transplant.

We talked off and on that morning.  We were trying to finalize the plans for the following week.  Then at 12:05 PM he called me to tell me that Sarah (one of our favorite nurses) called to tell him they had a possible heart for him and that he needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible because they wanted to do a kidney ultrasound and some blood tests to see how his kidney function was.

That phone called turned my world upside down and inside out.

During the 15 months he waited for that call we made a list of everything we needed to do once it came.  Stop the mail, who was going to watch the kids, what we needed to bring with us to the hospital.  Who we needed to call.

Once that call came, those lists went out the window.  I was trying to get our things together, get the kids things together, call people, along with trying to finish up what dishes were in the sink, go through the fridge, and make sure the garbage got out.

Needless to say, things got pretty chaotic.

We got to the hospital around 2 and we waited for what seemed like forever before they came to take Tin Man back for his ultrasound and blood work.

This is a picture of Sarah explaining what was going to happen in the next few hours.

I couldn't sit for more than 5 minutes at a time.  I couldn't believe there wasn't huge worn paths in the waiting room from me pacing back and forth.  Finally around 9 PM they had found him a bed.  Well more like made him a bed in a room that was supposed to be private.  That's when the fun began.  IVs, more blood work, plasma transfusion, EKG, echo, everyone in and out explaining how things were going to go.  Not to mention my constant calling my in laws trying to find out where they were so we could determine if they would be there in time.


Once the mad rush of people in and out of the room calmed down, we talked about what we were going to do once he was released from the hospital.  Our plans.  He was so stressed out because we had to live near the hospital for 3 months after transplant and he couldn't stand the thought of being away from the kids for that long.

I still can't believe that was 1 year ago today.  Tomorrow marks the 1 year anniversary of his transplant.  It also marks the 1 year anniversary of his donor's death.  We don't know anything about him.  Just that he was much younger than Tin Man and his heart was much much stronger and healthier.  I would love to meet his family, but I do know they may want to remain clueless as to whether their loved one's heart lived on or not.

I can respect that, and whether I get to ever meet them or not, they will always be apart of our family.

My Kids Are Amazing!

This last year has been a living nightmare.  What went from being an amazing thing and the start of a new, better, live, turning into a nightmare in an instant.

Its been 11 months since Tin Man's transplant.  And its been almost 10 months since he's been gone.  I look back at everything and can't believe its already been 10 months.  But at the same time if feels like, its only been 10 months?  I feel 10 years older, at least.

My kids have been what's kept me going.  I honestly don't know where I would be without them.

Watching them go through the ups and downs during all of this has shown me just how amazing they really are.  I have always thought they were awesome kids, I mean, I am their mom.  But their strength through all of this has left me speechless many times. 

As most of you know, they started a Facebook campaign wanting to get 1 million likes for awareness for organ donation and congenital heart defects.

They reached over 1 million likes in just a week.  During all of this they decided they wanted to do more and 2 Kids For Organ Donation was created. 

They have been invited to come speak at the local high schools, but also at a few high schools in LA/Long Beach area too.

Last night they amazed me even more.  We were all laying on my bed watching a movie and Warrior asked if he could run a couple of ideas by me.  One of the things he asked is how they could make 2KFOD into a non profit.  Then he asked how they could raise money and start a college scholarship for kids who lost a parent either waiting for a transplant or after transplant.

I sat there looking at him and cried.  I can't believe how amazing and mature my kids have been through all of this.  They have every right to scream and cry and be angry about all of this, but instead they are using everything they have been through to find ways to help others.

I have the most amazing kids!

Wordless Wednesday - Interview

The kids were interviewed by the local news this after noon.  I didn't know it was possible to be more proud of them, but after watching this, I am.

They did their own spin on the Facebook photo asking for 1 million likes so their parents will buy them a puppy.  My kids made a poster asking for 1 million likes for awareness for organ donation and congenital heart defects.

Christmas, New Years, and Rose Parade

Hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas and New Years.  Since this was our first Christmas since Tin Man died, the kids and I decided to take a break from our normal Christmas traditions and do something new.

We decided that we didn't want to wake up in this house so we went down to Southern California to spend Christmas with friends and my brother in law.  This was still hard and there was still a huge hole where Tin Man should have been, but it was easier than waking up in our house Christmas morning just the 3 of us.

Now that the kids are older, they always have some sort of idea of what their presents are.  When they were younger it was much easier to surprise them, because anything made them happy.  Now they are much harder to shop for, not to mention have much more expensive taste now.

Still we were able to shock both of them, which was my favorite part of Christmas morning. 

Warrior is really into lacrosse now, and trying out for the high school team at the end of the month.  So my brother in law and I decided to get him a lacrosse goal net.  His wish list included video games, gift cards, and clothes.  Needless to say he was very surprised when he unwrapped the net.  Seeing the huge smile on his face and how excited he was made my year. 

Sugar Peas is into Monster High dolls and anything to do with fashion.  A couple months ago she was telling me she wanted to learn to play the guitar.  We checked out how much lessons would be here in town, but there's a waiting list for the guitar classes.  We put her name on the waiting list, but no idea when she'll make it to the top.

I talked to several friends and found someone in town that would be willing to give her lessons.  So I enlisted my brother in law, who works in a music store, to help me pick out a guitar for her.  He found the perfect one.  Its a beginners guitar.  Pink.  Sparkly. And screams Sugar Pea.

The kids and I dedicated a rose for Tin Man on the Donate Life float in the Rose Parade.  On December 29th we were able to drive out to the Rose Bowl and place the rose on the float. 

Since we were lucky enough to be able to do this, the kids decided they wanted to watch the parade in person instead of on TV.  Not just watch it in person, but camp out for it so we would have amazing seats.

I was dreading the idea of camping out.  But they were so excited about it, and I thought it would help them, so I agreed.  My brother in law, the great sport he is, and Warrior went to secure our spot at 6 AM.  Sugar Peas, a friend, and I went out at noon.

Little did I know just how much fun it would actually be.  I didn't get any sleep, but had a ton of fun.

The kids wanted to make a poster to hold up when the Donate Life float went past.  They wanted to show what that float meant to them.  As soon as we got there with the poster Sugar Pea set it up on one of the chairs. 

The people sitting around us came over to ask about it.  We has 2 cops stop to comment on it, and a few people drive back around to ask about it.  The kids loved telling everyone about their dad and his donor.  One of the cops came back the next morning with his wife so she could see the poster and the kids could tell her about it too. 

The parade was awesome.  So many people pointed out the poster, gave the kids thumbs up,  and even one of the Stanford band members told them that their dad and his donor were his heroes too.  When the Donate Life float went past the kids were amazed at how many people knew Tin Man by name.  A few of them even recognized Warrior from the video he made for his birthday

I took a ton of photos, and don't want to over load you with them on here, but if you're interested in seeing them you can check them out over on my Flickr account

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Wordless Wednesday - Sign Up To Be A Donor

My Wordless Wednesday is a little different this week.

Warrior has wanted to make a video about his dad for several months now, but he's never had the courage.  Until now.

He tried making this as a video but broke down half way through it, so he decided to do it as a series of pictures instead.

There's no sound.  No music.  Just his message.

I'm so proud of him!

5 months and Donate Life Walk

Don't forget to enter to win a $25 Macy's gift card.

Its been 5 months since that horrible morning.  5 months since I made the choice to let Tin Man go.  That was one and will be one of the hardest choices I ever have to make.  In some ways it doesn't seem like its been that long and in others it seems like a lifetime ago.  Either way it still hurts.  I still have days that it doesn't seem real.  Times where I get excited when I hear a car door.  Then everything comes rushing back and I find myself in tears again.  I know this is normal, but normal or not, it sucks.



In honor of Tin Man and his donor, the kids and I walked the 2 miles on Saturday at the Donate Life Walk.

We walked it last year with Tin Man. Even though it took us almost an hour and half to walk the 2 miles, he finished it. He was so proud of himself, and even though I was annoyed with him because he was having problems breathing, but determined to do it, I was proud of him too.   After he got his transplant we talked about this years walk. It was the first big thing he planned on doing after transplant.

Even though he didn't get to do it, the kids and I decided this is one way we plan on honoring him, and his donor, every year.

It was hard. Seeing people that new and loved Tin Man.  These people deal with organ donation on a daily basis, whether it be a donor family, a receipiant, or a volunteer.  These people have their own stories to share, but to see just how much Tin Man's story impacted these people amazes me.  Not just his story, but who he was as a person.  He was just one of those people you couldn't help but love.  He had all the reason in the world to complain, but he never did.  He always found the positive things he could focus on.  That's one thing anyone who knew him remembers most. 

We had a picture of the kids and him from last year's walk that we carried with us.  This picture caused a lot of people to stop and ask about it.  The kids loved being able to share their dad's story with others.  Even though it brings a lot of tears, in some ways it brings on healing too.

We met one guy that was only sick for 4 years before his heart transplant. He told us that he couldn't imagine living his entire life with a sick heart. He was even more amazed when he found out that Patrick played baseball and hockey, plus marching band. 

They also had an area where you could write a message to your loved on on a butterfly and then plant it in the garden of butterflies. The kids and I each did one, but there was a total of 9 butterflies for Patrick. Seeing how much he impacted these people, who deal with organ donation on a daily basis, amazed me. Its just another reminder about what kind of person Patrick was, and also adds fuel to my wanting to continue honoring him and sharing his story.

There were many tears, but it was a great day. We got to see a lot of our friends and extended family, and we made new ones. The kids and I still aren't quite ready to jump back into being Donate Life Ambassadors full time yet, but we're slowly easing our way back into it.

We Had Plans

We had so many plans together. So many new things we wanted to do. Old things that we haven't been able to do the last few years. So many friends and family we wanted to travel to see.

I look back at the list that I had started on things we wanted to do and my heart breaks all over again.
Some of the things on the list the kids and I will still do, and find a way to incorporate you're story into it.
Other things hurt to much to think about.

One thing that wasn't in our plans the that kids and I have talked about is doing something to keep your story alive. Something to help not only us begin the healing process, but something that will help others. You've touched so many lives, and have become a hero to so many people that we can't just let your story end.
We've thrown around a few ideas, but we're still adding ideas to the list.

One thing I know you'd be so proud of is this new Facebook/Organ Donation campaign going on. When I first read about it yesterday I could hear you talking about it. About how great it was and how it will help many people in the future.
I hear you all the time. Your comments on different things. Your smart ass attitude. I miss those more and more every day.

We had plans. We were supposed to grow old together. I don't care that you had a heart defect. You beat all the odds from the day you were born. We had plans that you would beat every odd that was thrown at you. You're supposed to be here with me. You're supposed to be involved in all the graduation plans. We're supposed to be living in an apartment near the hospital. You're supposed to be getting better.
We had plans, and you dying wasn't one of them!
I miss you so much, and this hole in my chest keeps getting bigger and bigger.

Picking Up The Pieces

Yesterday was the local memorial service for my husband.  Now that the funeral and the memorial service are over, we not have to try to pick up the pieces and create a new normal.

New normal.  I hate the sound of that.  I don't want to create one.  I want the old normal back.  I want my husband back.  I want my kids' father back.  I want everything to go back to normal!

I've had many people make comments about Tin Man's old heart was good enough and why did we need to play around with it.

If Tin Man hadn't gotten his transplant, we still would have had the same outcome.  I don't think he would have made it to Christmas.  He was getting bad, and he was getting bad fast.  Not only was his heart getting bad, but he also had kidney involvement.  The heart transplant gave him a fighting chance.  Unfortunately, it didn't turn out the way we wanted, but I would do it all again.

I've also had people ask if we were done with Donate Life.  Um, no.  We need a little break from it, but we aren't done.  Tin Man got his transplant.  His transplant gave him a fighting chance.  Gave him the chance at a new life.  Even though that wasn't possible for him, doesn't mean someone else will have the same outcome.  I've met some great people who've received transplants, and without them, they never would have come into my life.

I plan on keeping Tin Man's story alive.  The kids and I have come up with some ideas, and once we're ready, we'll set them in motion. 

Our lives were turned upside down, and we have to give ourselves time to pick up the pieces, and then move forward and try to make something good come out of our loss.

Flying Donate Life

Tin Man's boss owns 3 monster trucks.  Time Flys, Fired Up, and their newest one, Detour.

Tin Man asked him if he'd consider flying a Donate Life flag on one of the trucks to help raise awareness.   

Hope She Knows by Tommy Dalton

This is a song about organ donation.  Even though this song makes me cry every time I listen to it, I still love it.

Hope She Knows by Tommy Dalton

There was a story grandpa told, that never seemed to get old.

About a girl in “63”, she was the homecoming queen.

Everyone wanted to be like her, she held a special place in this world,

They didn’t know how short her life would be.
It all ended without warning, it left her family lost and morning.
Since that day a part of hers with me.

Then he said…

Chorus:
I’m just hoping that she knows…that by her letting go, it gave me the life I know.
And with every breath I take, Yes it is her that I thank…Each and everyday.

All my friends were talking about fast cars and women.
But me, I was fighting to be living and taking time to say goodbye to all the people in my life. I told myself it’s been a good ride.

I Thought I was in my final minutes, but then the gift of life was given.
Just when I thought I’d never get to see ……another day.

Chorus:
I’m just hoping that she knows…that by her letting go, It gave me the life I know.
And with every breath I take, Yes it is her that I thank…Each and everyday.


As I sit here and watch my grandkids grow, and I know that Im getting close to the end of the road. There’s one more story that cant go untold.


Just hoping that you know…as I’m slowly letting go….I’m grateful for the life I’ve known. When I reach heavens gates, there’s someone I’d like to thank, for the special gift she gave, cuz with it I was saved.

There was a story grandpa told, that never seemed to get old.