Death and a Picture

This picture was taken in September 2011.  Just 6 months before Tin Man's transplant, and just 7 months before he died.

We were at the Donate Life 5K.  Its one of my favorite pictures of them. Even though he was having a hard time that day, he was still so excited to be there.  (and way to stubborn to let us push him in a wheelchair)  It took us a loooong time to finish the 5K because we had to take breaks so he could rest, but he was so excited that he finished it.

This picture was taken
the day her received
the call for his new heart.

This is what I want my kids to remember.  I want them to remember the good times.  Those nerdy moments Tin Man had.  The humor.  The stubbornness.  The man he was.

Honoring Tin Man

Friday night we went to the Nationwide series race at the Charlotte Motor Speedway.

I am by no means a NASCAR fan, and find watching cars drive in circles for 200+ laps pretty boring.


Why did we go?

Because Tin Man's picture was on the Donate Life race car.  We wanted to see the picture up close and personal, and meet the driver in person. 

We met some other amazing people that are part of the transplant community.  We all shared some laughs and lots and lots of tears.

Wordless Wednesday - Donate Life Float

On December 29th we went out to Pasadena to put a rose on the Donate Life Float in memory of Tin Man.  This will be our tradition from now until who knows when.

The kids putting the rose on the float.  We weren't supposed to take pictures, but they don't take pictures of you putting the actual rose on, which I don't like.  So I snapped a quick one, which is why its blurred.

You can see the Rose Bowl in the background

By this time (less than 45 minutes) Warrior was miserable because it was 85 out. 

Memorial Basketball Game

Last Tuesday (Nov 26) was the first memorial basketball game in honor of Tin Man.

After he was listed for his transplant, he saw a video of his cardiologist playing basketball.  He called him up and challenged him to a basketball game.  1 year after he got his transplant.

The day we got the call they had a heart for him, they started making plans.  The 12 days that Tin Man was awake after transplant, they talked about it almost daily.  Where and when.  This was something both of them were looking forward to.

Since they weren't able to play their game, we thought a basketball game would be a great way to honor him and also bring community awareness to organ donation.

Unfortunately Tin Man's cardiologist wasn't able to be there, but our favorite nurse came in his place. 

Warrior being interviewed before the game by local news.

My kid may be amazing, but he's definitely weird.

Warrior and our favorite nurse.  She beat him by 1 point.

Being interviewed after the game by the other local news.

Definitely had to take some pictures of my kiddos on the TV

Sugar Pea passed out programs and save the date flyers for the 3rd annual blood drive. 

All the proceeds from the came went into helping start up the scholarship fund in memory of Tin Man.  The coach wants to make this a yearly thing, turning it into a memorial game and fundraiser to keep the scholarship going.

Wordless Wednesday - Donate Life Walk

This past Saturday was the Donate Life walk.  We walked in honor of Tin Man and his donor.

It was great seeing all our friends, and meeting new ones.  Tin Man was definitely missed.

It was amazing to see the people chase the kids down so they could meet them.  It definitely made me a proud mom!

With their poster.  We had so many people stop and comment about it.

 They wanted a picture with Snoopy holding the sign too.

 Then after the walk we got to spend the day at Great America.  Well supposed to.  2 hours in it started pouring and we were soaked, cold and miserable so we headed home to warm showers and dry clothes.

 Warrior is in the last car and Sugar Pea is in the 2nd to last with her uncle, Tin Man's brother.

High School Presentation

Last week Warrior gave his first high school presentation about organ donation.

We took a training class in January 2012 to learn how to give presentations to high school students.  Then Tin Man started getting sicker and it was something we put off.  Then it was something that was going to be something Tin Man and Warrior could do together.

Then Tin Man passed away and it wasn't something any of us were ready for.  The kids loved telling people about Tin Man and everything he went for, but they weren't ready to answer the questions that come with the presentation.

Even now, a year later, Warrior was extremely nervous.  He was afraid he wouldn't have the answers, and he was scared he'd start crying and embarrass himself.  You know the big macho act most teenage boys put on.

I think it surprised him seeing some of these high school boys, some his friends, some big football jocks, tearing up.  I think he also realized that crying because his dad died is much different than crying because he got hit by a ball.

We could tell, and the teacher told us that he has sat through several presentations on organ donation, but he had never seen anyone impact the kids like Warrior did.

Here is someone their age, that has been through hell and back, and still fighting for what he believes in.

The teacher told us a few days later that the kids from that class were still talking about it and how if anything were to happen to them they wanted their families to donate their organs.

Warrior is definitely ready for more chances to speak to high school students.

Wordless Wednesday - Interview

The kids were interviewed by the local news this after noon.  I didn't know it was possible to be more proud of them, but after watching this, I am.

They did their own spin on the Facebook photo asking for 1 million likes so their parents will buy them a puppy.  My kids made a poster asking for 1 million likes for awareness for organ donation and congenital heart defects.

Christmas, New Years, and Rose Parade

Hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas and New Years.  Since this was our first Christmas since Tin Man died, the kids and I decided to take a break from our normal Christmas traditions and do something new.

We decided that we didn't want to wake up in this house so we went down to Southern California to spend Christmas with friends and my brother in law.  This was still hard and there was still a huge hole where Tin Man should have been, but it was easier than waking up in our house Christmas morning just the 3 of us.

Now that the kids are older, they always have some sort of idea of what their presents are.  When they were younger it was much easier to surprise them, because anything made them happy.  Now they are much harder to shop for, not to mention have much more expensive taste now.

Still we were able to shock both of them, which was my favorite part of Christmas morning. 

Warrior is really into lacrosse now, and trying out for the high school team at the end of the month.  So my brother in law and I decided to get him a lacrosse goal net.  His wish list included video games, gift cards, and clothes.  Needless to say he was very surprised when he unwrapped the net.  Seeing the huge smile on his face and how excited he was made my year. 

Sugar Peas is into Monster High dolls and anything to do with fashion.  A couple months ago she was telling me she wanted to learn to play the guitar.  We checked out how much lessons would be here in town, but there's a waiting list for the guitar classes.  We put her name on the waiting list, but no idea when she'll make it to the top.

I talked to several friends and found someone in town that would be willing to give her lessons.  So I enlisted my brother in law, who works in a music store, to help me pick out a guitar for her.  He found the perfect one.  Its a beginners guitar.  Pink.  Sparkly. And screams Sugar Pea.

The kids and I dedicated a rose for Tin Man on the Donate Life float in the Rose Parade.  On December 29th we were able to drive out to the Rose Bowl and place the rose on the float. 

Since we were lucky enough to be able to do this, the kids decided they wanted to watch the parade in person instead of on TV.  Not just watch it in person, but camp out for it so we would have amazing seats.

I was dreading the idea of camping out.  But they were so excited about it, and I thought it would help them, so I agreed.  My brother in law, the great sport he is, and Warrior went to secure our spot at 6 AM.  Sugar Peas, a friend, and I went out at noon.

Little did I know just how much fun it would actually be.  I didn't get any sleep, but had a ton of fun.

The kids wanted to make a poster to hold up when the Donate Life float went past.  They wanted to show what that float meant to them.  As soon as we got there with the poster Sugar Pea set it up on one of the chairs. 

The people sitting around us came over to ask about it.  We has 2 cops stop to comment on it, and a few people drive back around to ask about it.  The kids loved telling everyone about their dad and his donor.  One of the cops came back the next morning with his wife so she could see the poster and the kids could tell her about it too. 

The parade was awesome.  So many people pointed out the poster, gave the kids thumbs up,  and even one of the Stanford band members told them that their dad and his donor were his heroes too.  When the Donate Life float went past the kids were amazed at how many people knew Tin Man by name.  A few of them even recognized Warrior from the video he made for his birthday

I took a ton of photos, and don't want to over load you with them on here, but if you're interested in seeing them you can check them out over on my Flickr account

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Wordless Wednesday - Our Heroes

The kids made a poster for the Rose Parade.  We were amazed at how many people gave them a thumbs up, or actually made a point to point out the poster and tell them how amazing it was.

Even one of the Stanford band members told them that their dad and his donor were his heroes too.

Wordless Wednesday - Sign Up To Be A Donor

My Wordless Wednesday is a little different this week.

Warrior has wanted to make a video about his dad for several months now, but he's never had the courage.  Until now.

He tried making this as a video but broke down half way through it, so he decided to do it as a series of pictures instead.

There's no sound.  No music.  Just his message.

I'm so proud of him!

Wordless Wednesday - Butterflies

Don't forget to enter to win a $25 Macy's gift card. 

On Saturday at the Donate Life Walk, they had a booth where you could put a message to loved ones on butterflies.  Then you planted the butterflies in a garden around the stage.  We each made a butterfly for Tin Man.  Now they are hanging on the wall in our living room.  I'm hoping to get a large shadow box for them eventually. 

5 months and Donate Life Walk

Don't forget to enter to win a $25 Macy's gift card.

Its been 5 months since that horrible morning.  5 months since I made the choice to let Tin Man go.  That was one and will be one of the hardest choices I ever have to make.  In some ways it doesn't seem like its been that long and in others it seems like a lifetime ago.  Either way it still hurts.  I still have days that it doesn't seem real.  Times where I get excited when I hear a car door.  Then everything comes rushing back and I find myself in tears again.  I know this is normal, but normal or not, it sucks.



In honor of Tin Man and his donor, the kids and I walked the 2 miles on Saturday at the Donate Life Walk.

We walked it last year with Tin Man. Even though it took us almost an hour and half to walk the 2 miles, he finished it. He was so proud of himself, and even though I was annoyed with him because he was having problems breathing, but determined to do it, I was proud of him too.   After he got his transplant we talked about this years walk. It was the first big thing he planned on doing after transplant.

Even though he didn't get to do it, the kids and I decided this is one way we plan on honoring him, and his donor, every year.

It was hard. Seeing people that new and loved Tin Man.  These people deal with organ donation on a daily basis, whether it be a donor family, a receipiant, or a volunteer.  These people have their own stories to share, but to see just how much Tin Man's story impacted these people amazes me.  Not just his story, but who he was as a person.  He was just one of those people you couldn't help but love.  He had all the reason in the world to complain, but he never did.  He always found the positive things he could focus on.  That's one thing anyone who knew him remembers most. 

We had a picture of the kids and him from last year's walk that we carried with us.  This picture caused a lot of people to stop and ask about it.  The kids loved being able to share their dad's story with others.  Even though it brings a lot of tears, in some ways it brings on healing too.

We met one guy that was only sick for 4 years before his heart transplant. He told us that he couldn't imagine living his entire life with a sick heart. He was even more amazed when he found out that Patrick played baseball and hockey, plus marching band. 

They also had an area where you could write a message to your loved on on a butterfly and then plant it in the garden of butterflies. The kids and I each did one, but there was a total of 9 butterflies for Patrick. Seeing how much he impacted these people, who deal with organ donation on a daily basis, amazed me. Its just another reminder about what kind of person Patrick was, and also adds fuel to my wanting to continue honoring him and sharing his story.

There were many tears, but it was a great day. We got to see a lot of our friends and extended family, and we made new ones. The kids and I still aren't quite ready to jump back into being Donate Life Ambassadors full time yet, but we're slowly easing our way back into it.

Donate Life Walk

On Sept 8th the kids and I are going to walk in the 2nd annual CTDN Donate Life Walk.

Last year we walked it with Tin Man.  3 miles.  It took him longer, and he needed more breaks, but he made it.  Even though I was worried about him, and a little annoyed that he wouldn't consider using a wheel chair, I was very proud of him for finishing it. 

We decided to do it at last minute, and didn't do much as far as fundraising for it.

After all was said an done we decided this year we were going to set a goal.  This was supposed to be another family thing.  This year it was supposed to be the 4 of us celebrating Tin Man's transplant.

Instead this year its the kids and I walking in honor of Tin Man and his donor.  We set a goal of $1000, but since we've been on vacation all summer and not really doing much as far as fundraising, we'll settle for $500.

We've already raised $200.

I've had a few leave comments and emails asking how they can donate.

To donate you can go to my donation page.  Even as little a $5 will help.

Please share my blog post with your friends and family. 

This is Tin Man and the kids from last year's walk.

Picking Up The Pieces

Yesterday was the local memorial service for my husband.  Now that the funeral and the memorial service are over, we not have to try to pick up the pieces and create a new normal.

New normal.  I hate the sound of that.  I don't want to create one.  I want the old normal back.  I want my husband back.  I want my kids' father back.  I want everything to go back to normal!

I've had many people make comments about Tin Man's old heart was good enough and why did we need to play around with it.

If Tin Man hadn't gotten his transplant, we still would have had the same outcome.  I don't think he would have made it to Christmas.  He was getting bad, and he was getting bad fast.  Not only was his heart getting bad, but he also had kidney involvement.  The heart transplant gave him a fighting chance.  Unfortunately, it didn't turn out the way we wanted, but I would do it all again.

I've also had people ask if we were done with Donate Life.  Um, no.  We need a little break from it, but we aren't done.  Tin Man got his transplant.  His transplant gave him a fighting chance.  Gave him the chance at a new life.  Even though that wasn't possible for him, doesn't mean someone else will have the same outcome.  I've met some great people who've received transplants, and without them, they never would have come into my life.

I plan on keeping Tin Man's story alive.  The kids and I have come up with some ideas, and once we're ready, we'll set them in motion. 

Our lives were turned upside down, and we have to give ourselves time to pick up the pieces, and then move forward and try to make something good come out of our loss.