Sunday, August 19, 2012

The New Normal

I hate this phrase.  I don't want a new normal.  I want my normal life back.

I don't want to have to figure out how things are going to go from now on.  I want to wake up and find that this was all a horrible dream.

Tin Man's been gone for 4 months.  This weekend was the first time the kids and I were in the house without someone else with us.

I knew this was going to be hard, and something I needed to face head on, but I never dreamed it'd feel like this.  Painful.  Depressed.  I was prepared for those.  Nothing prepared me for the numbness I am feeling.

I would rather lay in bed and cry than not feel anything at all.  Its like my heart and my mind can't decide on an emotion, so they choose to feel nothing.  I don't like this.

I've been told by many people, my doctor, grief counselor, even others that have been through this that the first 6 months you spend most of your time in a fog.  Just learning how to function when it feels like half of you has been ripped away.

I lost my best friend, my soul mate, my other half that day.

Every time I feel like I'm starting to figure out how to pick up the pieces, something knocks them all back down and I have to start all over again.


  1. I am so sorry for your loss. I found you on the Mom Blog hop.

  2. I found you through the blog hop. This blog post is very heart wrenching and there are MANY people who can relate to what your feeling and going through.I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I can tell you God has a plan and will give you the strength to get through this!!

  3. I'm so sorry for your loss and can't imagine the pain you and your kids are feeling. I posted about grief (resulting from very very different circumstances, nothing like yours) a while back - you may enjoy reading some of the works by the author I mention in the post if you aren't already familiar with her...

    1. Thank you so much for this. I will definitely check her out.

  4. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I cannot imagine what you and your kids are going through. I will pray for your family. Internet hugs!


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