The New Normal

I hate this phrase.  I don't want a new normal.  I want my normal life back.

I don't want to have to figure out how things are going to go from now on.  I want to wake up and find that this was all a horrible dream.

Tin Man's been gone for 4 months.  This weekend was the first time the kids and I were in the house without someone else with us.

I knew this was going to be hard, and something I needed to face head on, but I never dreamed it'd feel like this.  Painful.  Depressed.  I was prepared for those.  Nothing prepared me for the numbness I am feeling.

I would rather lay in bed and cry than not feel anything at all.  Its like my heart and my mind can't decide on an emotion, so they choose to feel nothing.  I don't like this.

I've been told by many people, my doctor, grief counselor, even others that have been through this that the first 6 months you spend most of your time in a fog.  Just learning how to function when it feels like half of you has been ripped away.


I lost my best friend, my soul mate, my other half that day.

Every time I feel like I'm starting to figure out how to pick up the pieces, something knocks them all back down and I have to start all over again.